Joy Trumps Pain

05.02.2012

You know what happens when you get wrapped up in joy from recalling amazing experiences and intense happiness as I did yesterday? You forget about pain. Real, physical pain. I was already unsteady on my bad ankle, which is actually healing, but isn’t used to being walked on for longer than 1 mile. Add in a dark Chinatown alley and some untied shoelaces and you end up with an Emmie down. Whoopsies! Thankfully, my clumsy spill took place on Sunday night and I was with a friend who provided door-to-door service (and I wondered why anyone would have a car in the city? I was super thankful!) and my hotel-mate Emily got some ice for

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Joy of Living

05.01.2012

You guys, I try to stay away from the “woo-woo” things too much. You know, the things that are so! excitable! and! are! full! of! crazy! exclamation! points!? That’s a little bit how I feel right now though. I’m back from my trip to New York City. Thinking about this trip caused major anxiety for me as the fear of not fitting in and not being able to experience things due to my size made me want to hyperventilate. I wish I were exaggerating, but you’re talking to someone with depression and anxiety, so I’m not. It reached nearly full-on panic attack mode. I made it to the airport after waking up around 3am so

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A flashback to 2003

04.26.2012

When I woke up this morning, I was flooded with a memory. I’m not sure why it came to me all of a sudden – perhaps anxiety or fear or something deep in my subconscious. In any case, it has flipped my packing for NYC on its head. I shared the photo from my last trip to NYC back in 2003 where I couldn’t even recognize my face. I honestly don’t remember a whole lot about that trip because it was quick and I didn’t do many touristy things. The one thing that flooded back to me today: my pain. I remember walking around with my friends. We went to different shops and were just passing

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Lightening the Load

04.25.2012

Today I found myself back in the orthopaedists office, where I was last getting my purple cast cut off. There was a slight tingle in my ankle, but it wasn’t constant and was definitely much, much better than it has been in one year. Five minutes later, I was walking out with the all clear to ease back into physical activities and to just call if I needed. I waltzed out of the office and back to the parking garage where I was so happy I damn near wanted to skip, or do the running man. Somehow the magical words from the doctor have lightened my mood significantly. I see a light at the end of this

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Newsletters and New York

04.24.2012

When I was in middle school, I took my first trip to New York City. It was a school trip, and I was so excited to go. NYC represented the land of grown-up, successful, fancy people living in a metropolis of awesome. In high school, our senior trip was to NYC and again I felt the wonder and awe of Broadway shows, public transportation, and shopping. I always wanted to get the hell out of Kentucky, and idealized NYC like a crazy person. When I ended up having to go to college in Kentucky, I was devastated. (Don’t hate me now Kentucky friends – I am so, so glad things worked out how they did!) My

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Testing: One, Two, Three…

04.22.2012

It feels like ages since I’ve been able to do much on my feet with my ankle injury. If ages equals several months, then it actually HAS been ages. Super frustrating and I lost my groove quite a few months back. This past week at physical therapy, my ankle pain has significantly lessened. Instead of working on strengthening the tendon in my ankle, we’ve worked on stretching my back like crazy, which has relieved pressure from the nerve that is attached to that tendon. Crazy how two weeks of working on my back has brought more relief than 7 months of anything else. I’m just glad we’ve figured out what was wrong – I was

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Weight Loss Ninja

04.19.2012

This is just a silly post to display the shift in perception versus reality. My mental patience has been tested lately, and I’m working hard to overcome the feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I hope someone else can relate to this A note from young grasshopper Emmie (my past): Hi, my name is Emmie and I’m a weight-loss ninja.  You see, I’m going to start this blog where I talk about my workouts. I’ll talk about food and struggles and show my weight to the entire interwebz. I’ll post awesome progress photos and it will hold me accountable.  With this blog, I’ll make new friends and feel supported by people. I can use it like

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Accepting the Struggle

04.17.2012

Today, I am still. The day is busy, but my mind eases from the strain of overanalyzing what is wrong with me and why I can’t look a certain way or lose weight as quickly as I want to. The nagging has taken a nap today, and for that I am grateful. Struggle has it’s purpose in life, no matter how awful it may seem. Personally, I think struggle is what makes us stronger, more determined, and grateful for the result at the end. We fight the struggle and it turns into vocal complaints, discomfort, and even complacency. What happens if we stop fighting the struggle and instead accept it and sit in it? Would

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