Normally imbalanced

August 27, 2012

I got an email from a great supportive long-time blog reader about my latest email newsletter from a couple of weeks ago. (Even if you haven’t read the newsletter, this story still applies, so sit tight.) Essentially, she noted her surprise at how different the tone was than my normal posts, especially on the fashion side where I appear much more confident. The destructive thoughts I revealed that plague me at times were in sharp contrast to a happy, confident exterior that is represented in many of my posts.

image by JD Hancock

I suppose this is the nature of balance… or imbalance. Operating at either end of the happy/sad continuum results in unhealthy behaviors. Strut around like a confident peacock all the time and you could sacrifice humility, perspective, and reality. Indulge your depressive thoughts and fears regularly and you could also lose perspective and become a self-destructive recluse. As I’ve shared before, I have unfortunately battled operating on the depressed side of the scale for much of my life. Finding the balance is one of the biggest intangible parts of this health journey. There isn’t a scale I can stand on to show what level I’m operating at today.

Some days it’s easy to just say “I’m awesome.” Other days, I choke over the words. I think it’s important to share both sides. While it’s easy to throw some gloss and glitter on during the good days, the learning experiences come from when we figure out how to get out of bed when your insecurities tell you it’s not worth the effort. Sometimes, there is fear that sharing the messy innards of self-doubt reveals too much personal weakness. In the end though, the more I share, the easier it is to accept how things were and to shape things into how I want them to be.

Do you struggle with balance?

  • Lindsey

    This is a beautifully honest post. I really appreciate when bloggers don’t only present their shiny happy moments. I too struggle with this balance and it’s refreshing to hear you admit the same in a public forum.

  • Wendy

    I know i do. There are brief sparks of shall we call them “inner bad buttness” where i feel i can do this!….what ever this maybe at the time. And i get all puffed up and sassy. But without warning a feather drifts to a stop on my very sensitive scale and down it all goes.

  • Nina

    I understand this a lot … I am working on graduate classes and sometimes it’s hard to shut off my self-doubt. I know what I am doing but sometimes small things can feel crippling. My weight is also where my stress ends up and it makes me sad that I have slid. I ordered work pants and not of them fit today. I know I am smart and sometimes I don’t understand why things don’t just click!

  • http://themegan2project.blogspot.com/ Megan Armstrong

    I tend to be a bit of an extremist going from one end of the spectrum to the other in waves. Balance is something I’m working hard to find!

  • http://twitter.com/wortheveryounce Tara

    There are posts I have gone back to read and thought……why did I share that….yet, that was real for me at that moment. I try to be as honest as I can when posting…the good the bad the ugly. I believe that the more honest I can be with others, the more honest I am with myself. Balancing it all is a constant dance of up and back, side to side. It moves. And I move.
    Thank you for sharing your journey….all the parts….the shiny and the not so shiny.

  • iBirgitta

    Such wise, great, long time supportive readers you’ve got ;)

  • http://twitter.com/amerrylife Mary (A Merry Life)

    I totally feel you on this. I struggle with swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other but I try my hardest to keep a balance and stay in the middle. It’s hard sometimes.

  • http://twitter.com/amybethloses Amy Spears

    I can relate. I find if very hard to talk myself up and am constantly down on myself. It is extremely discouraging. I’m working on it!

  • http://www.theyearofthephoenix.blogspot.com/ Jill (Lady Lazarus)

    It’s scary to put the dark twisty stuff out there for all the world to see, but I appreciate other bloggers who take that risk and am trying to do it more myself. If all I see are happy, happy, confident posts all the time it starts to feel forced and I wonder how sincere the person is being. Showing the other side makes the blogger seem more honest.

  • Shanii

    Wow I really appreciate you writing this post. It is exactly what I’ve been feeling lately. I’m so insecure on the inside but others see me sometimes as a loud outgoing person… I mean some do anyways. I’m still trying to find that balance and find out who I am.

  • http://twitter.com/iheartveggies Liz

    Yet one more area in my life I need to strive for balance!!! It’s HARD! But you’re right, it’s really important to balance your attitude, just like everything else!

  • Brittlachele

    Thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/allisonoday Allison O’Day

    Hi Emmie, I am a new reader and I am loving your style :) This post (and others) really resonates with me. Would you ever consider writing a post on what it was like to grow up mixed-race and the impact of that on emotional eating and/or identity issues? I would love to read that. :)

  • thirties girl

    No matter how much work we do on ourselves on our journey towards self- and body-acceptance, no one ever reaches a point where they can say, “That’s it! I’m completely satisfied with myself! I will never have another body issue again. I’ve accomplished total self love.” Because there is no end to the journey. We’re constantly evolving, growing, changing, working on ourselves, backsliding and having a day – week – month of abject self hatred due to whatever arbitrary factors float through our lives at any given moment… and then coming out of that period of self-hatred and continuing with our growth and evolution to become our best selves. And there is no end to that process, no matter how much we might want there to be. The hope is that as we journey through our process of self- and body-acceptance, we learn to become kinder and gentler with ourselves, not beat ourselves up so much when we backslide, when we allow ourselves to be influenced by yet another fat-fearing media blitz, have a bad first date with an internet connection, hear fat-fearing comments coming from our friends, co-workers or family… or whatever issue passes through our lives on our journey of self-acceptance. Even the most body-positive blogger has moments (if not weeks, months) of self doubt, as do we all. It’s just part of the process, and the hope is that we learn to be easier on ourselves each time self doubt creeps in.

  • Jmee2

    I came across your blog yesterday. I can’t tell you how wonderful it’s been to read my own thoughts! Thank you for your honesty, your ideas, your thoughts, and your photos! I’m now a subscriber and I look forward to your future blogs. Thank you for your inspiration on my weight loss!

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