Epic Meltdown, and a Pick-Me-Up

August 4, 2012

Oh, friends.

I try to be as positive as possible. To say that I’m proud of my progress (and I am) and to not get frustrated with myself. I am not sorry for my actions or efforts. I stand firm behind them. It doesn’t mean I’m always rainbows and unicorns.

Today, I was on a local CBS affiliate’s morning show with my friend Heather. We were talking about a blog we write along with 4 other women, HerKentucky. I was feeling stylin’. I thought my hair looked good and my makeup was great. I loved my outfit and was hunky dory. I thought the interview went well, and so I bopped on happily to a local coffee shop to get some work done, and then to the little vintage store next door. I headed home, ready to grab lunch and see the video from the morning that I had on DVR.

I even put a photo on Instagram about how I was so happy with how I looked. (sorry for the blur- the camera had residue on it from The Color Run last weekend)

I fast-forwarded to our segment, and 10 seconds in, I turned the TV off and started sobbing. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I even tweeted it. A rare display of negativity.

Gah. Seeing yourself on TV when you thought you looked awesome and you end up looking like a massive blob? #fail
August 3, 2012 1:18 pm via HootSuiteReplyRetweetFavorite
@skinnyemmie
Emily Sandford

I G-Chatted my bestie, exploding with obscenities. She swore I was overreacting and that TV makes everyone look bad. Then I showed her a still shot:

She immediately saw what I was talking about, and conceded it didn’t look great. But she reminded me that I have worked so hard, and that in all the photos I’ve had done recently, none of them made me look like this.

On the way to workout tonight, I grabbed my video recorder, thinking that perhaps replacing this image that made me so negatively react with something positive like working out, that I would feel better and stop beating myself up.

It worked. I put the video together and felt so strong watching it. I didn’t once look at myself on the video and have any negative thoughts come up. I saw someone strong and determined and not nearly as large as was on the TV. I replaced the awful image from my head with one I’m ridiculously proud of.

If the picture in your head isn’t one that you like, perhaps you need to replace it with another one:

  • Annie

    Way to kick butt! Really, the whole point of getting fit is what our bodies can do, not what they look like. Besides, who looks their best sitting down anyway? I’m going to remember this next time I get discouraged.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Thank you Annie – you’re right – it’s about what our bodies can do.

  • Jules

    Nobody trips over mountains. It is
    the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path
    and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~ Author unknown

    Hugs to you!!

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      love that quote, Jules – thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.facebook.com/heathercwatson Heather C. Watson

    You looked gorgeous in person. I honestly promise that. xo

    I haven’t wanted to watch, because I hate my voice on video. I sound like a hillbilly muppet.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Thank you Heather. And I promise you do not sound like a hillbilly muppet!!

  • http://leecooks.blogspot.com/ Margy and Lee

    TV tip- ask to be interviewed standing up so gravity can do its job! And that way, you can listen to what you say and be proud of who you are when you watch it later.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      I want to look good at all angles!

      • amy

        so amazed with your willpower! been up & down my whole life! highest 310…lowest ( before kids husband job) 125. I dont expect to be 125 again…that was at 16 years old……any way I’m at 236 stuck there hating life at times….have a wonderful husband and children but I am happy around them , but the struggle inside…noone understands…..and doctors just tell ya stuff you already know!!!!!!! How do u just say enoughs enough?????? Cause I’ve thought it a hundred times!!!!

  • sarah

    Comparing the woman on the workout video to the one on the TV picture, it’s like they are two different people. Seriously, you are so much fitter than how you look in the picture of the show. Keep going with the exercise.
    You are a shining star Emily don’t let anything bring you down.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      thank you so much

  • KCLAnderson (Karen)

    I love what you’ve done here…it’s the key to making lasting change. You had a negative reaction/feeling, you felt it and acknowledged it, and then you turned it around. YAY! And if it’s any consolation, anyone can look not-their-best in any split second of time, from specific angles, in specific positions.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      thank you Karen xo

  • Angelica

    You are SUCH an inspirational person and should relish in the fact that you have come so far. I am proud of you that when you saw something you didn’t like, you turned it into a positive by doing something you KNEW would pick you up AND you didn’t stop the good fight. If I get down on myself, I usually do the opposite and binge on a gallon of ice cream. I hope that I can be as strong-willed as you in my journey! Thank you for sharing and with the ups come the downs, but it’s how you turn it around that really matters!

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Thank you! Believe me, if there were a gallon of ice cream within reach yesterday, I might have easily gone for it.

  • maria in nj

    hugzzz…you are amazing…yes you turned a negative into a positive and that is success!! Your choose of music to this video is awesome, I want you to know I stood up from my computer chair and stated moving…LOL hang in there Em, your going to do this…be inspired…

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      thank you :) And I’m glad you liked the music. It makes me happy!

  • vjtibbs

    Girl, you are so strong! You were probably burning, but you didn’t struggle through any of those–and let’s talk about that perfect plank form! Boo-yah!

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Thank you! I was burning through all of it!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/pattyaizaga Patty

    You are my inspiration. I love how you changed the picture in your head. It takes a strong courageous woman to do this! Love you! Xoxo

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      aw, thank you Patty. Love you!

  • http://hungrypumpkin.blogspot.com/ creatress

    What a fantastic idea to take a video of yourself working out to create a new, positive video. NO ONE looks good at the side angle like that. You were also hunching. Maybe take some ballet or yoga (just for fun?) I hunch too and I HATE seeing pictures of myself sitting. Even though I’m a very round, bigger woman I’m facing my fears and taking a ballet class this fall. YOU ROCK!!!!

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Isn’t it awful that my posture is much better than it used to be (even hunching like this). Working on making my core and back stronger to keep my spine in the right spot. I’m such a major sloucher!

  • http://www.facebook.com/suzie.williams.96 Suzie Williams

    Love that seeing the video didn’t stop you from going to the gym. And you looked strong and powerful in the gym video. You are an inspiration.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Thank you, Suzie

  • Molly B

    You look fantastic working out!! Seriously, you have come so far and should be so proud of your accomplishments!! I had the same thing happen at my 28yo sister in law to be’s bachelorette party…I’m a 41 year old Mom with two kids and she is a 28yo yoga instructor…No pressure there ;) !! I thought I looked great (I am 40 lbs into my 100 lb weight loss journey) and then saw a pic of me sitting down and from the side. Sweet Moses!!!!!! I want to cry and did a little, I was SOOOO frustrated!!! It has made me down all week, thank you for giving me a POSITIVE way to replace that picture in my head. You are an inspiration and someone I truly admire! Thanks!!

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      We can cry together for 60 seconds and then remind ourselves how awesome we are! Chin up!

  • http://twitter.com/RockafellaSkank Debbish

    I love that you were able to turn this around Emmie. I try to never have to look at myself in photographs as I know my mood will falter the moment I do. Sad isn’t it?!

    The photo of you in the car is gorgeous but I can see what you mean – the angle you are on (not able to face the camera), on the couch and sitting upright (almost leaning forward)…

    Great pick-me-up!!!
    Deb

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      Thanks Deb! I need to work on my posture… And wear my Spanx… if I ever have to be at that angle anytime again soon. Blech!

  • Steph

    Great video!!! Love it! Girl, everyday you inspire me to better myself. I look to your blogs for inspiration for my own stories. Keep doing what you’re doing because you’re reaching people, no matter what.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      thanks so much, Steph :)

  • LHA

    I totally understand how you felt, but I agree with others that it is that awful angle from the side and you are sitting down. I know what you mean when you say you want to look good from any angle, as I aspire to that too. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or my reflection in a store front glass and I think I just can’t look like that! Your decision to exercise and to videotape it was an awesome way to deal with this. By the way, your exercise routine was very inspirational and your flexibility is great. I’m jealous…..so maybe that will inspire me to work harder. Thanks for another great blog.

    • http://www.skinnyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

      thank you, as always xo

  • http://twitter.com/PhyllisStrand Phyllis Strand

    You are absolutely gorgeous inside and out, on TV and in the gym.
    Sharing your journey makes you a champion in my book and I feel honored that I am inspired by you.
    Thank you so much!

  • Beth

    Glad to hear you moved forward and didn’t wallow – way to go! That TV shot might be something you want to put on the inside of your cabinet to remind you that you are NOT what you look like on the outside when you are so very strong on the inside. I have one of those pics on the inside of my cabinet and it inspires me all the time. Have a great week!

  • http://www.facebook.com/1fitguru Trainer Taylor

    Hello,
    I am new here but have been watching from the sidelines. I just had to weigh in on this conversation. This is my feeling-as long as you remain on your path you’ll be fine and are fine. However, the instant you begin to judge yourself you are off that path and onto someone else’s path, someone you don’t even know and have probably never met. Try to just remain inspired and an inspiration-you’ll be fine and are fine now.

  • MattHirschfelt

    I’m really glad that you were able to turn a negative into a positive by using it to motivate a workout! You know how hard you’ve worked and so do we. Not many people can say they’re doing what you’re doing. Keep rocking it.

  • Celina

    Oh my dear! I feel your pain! I feel the same way whenever I see pictures of myself sitting. Its Just not a flattering look on any plus size woman. THATS why you never see plus size modles sitting down in any of their photos!!! There is nothing worse then feeling amazing and then feeling defeated. So I am GLAD you replaced that visual with one you are proud of. Besides your outfit was amazing and you still look gorgeous!

    I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU. you are such an inspiration to me. I am starting what will be a very long weight loss journey, and 12 pounds in you are my HERO! Thanks for your honesty. For making yourself vulnerable so that the rest of us can believe we can do it too. Getting healthy is about how you feel, not how you look!

  • Mimi

    You are beautiful and courageous!! Thank you for being REAL and sharing yourself. You have no idea of the impact you are having on others. <3

  • Leah Segedie

    Part of it was just the outfit you chose. Btw, I know exactly how you feel. I did 3 Webisodes for Sony and saw myself looking bigger than I thought I was. I was crushed for about 3 minutes…then reminded myself that all my loose skin is a badge of honor. I heart you dear!

  • Ericka @ The Sweet Life

    Amazing way to combat the negativity. I just wish I was brave enough to ask someone to film me working out! By the way, you did look gorgeous! You are such an inspiration and I think this AWESOME for how you turned it around. I was feeling kind of similarly yesterday staring at my arms, thinking they looked huge…but after all my weightlifting and crossft, I remembered they strong and that’s what matters. –Ericka @ The Sweet Life (sweetlifeericka.com)

  • Nina

    Being on TV sucks! I would not beat yourself up, you look amazing and have so many videos and photos to show it. (I always thing you look super cute.) With the TV shot a lot of it is a bad angle and that you are closer to the camera than the other people on the sofa. (Pretty much a great example/case of video-dysmorphia.) It’s good that you took more video and didn’t let that image stick in your head. So much of video and photography is all about knowing how to shoot to make people look good (Oprah and Barbara Walters pay top dollar for lighting for a reason!) – only epic fail was the camera person/whoever set up that shot! (I always take the best pictures of me.) Those little self-portrait screens on cameras are *AMAZING.* All people, even famous people, always look better in person … we are 3-D beings for a reason! =)

  • Melissa

    Good for you for actually deciding to change the picture in your head to a more positive one. I totally know that feeling, I’m sure most people do regardless of their weight and I’m also sure most people give into the negativity that it brings. Colour me impressed :)

  • Jen Comas Keck

    Oh Em. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I can absolutely assure you that there are bad angles of everybody. I personally HATE to be sitting in front of a camera or video – it is a horrible angle just waiting to happen! I’d rather be standing up or laying down, but I can understand that laying down during a news segment may raise some eyebrows. haha!
    I also just realized where you were doing that training. I popped in a couple weeks ago to say hi to Jim and I would have been positively STARSTRUCK if I’d have seen you in there! EEK!
    Anyways, wayta prevail today!! :D

  • Margee

    LOVE IT! Thank you so much for sharing!

  • claire

    Good for you! It’s ok to have a bad day, but like you did, use it to motivate yourself and replace every negative with a positive. We are our own worst enemies.

  • Kate

    I can’t thank you enough for posting your workout video, it is so inspiring to me, as is your mental turnaround. This is exactly what I needed to read and see right now. Thank you thank you thank you!

  • Nancy

    I just stumbled on your blog after viewing All the Weigh and I am so glad! I didn’t think anyone would understand what I have been going through. I have been on a weight loss journey since October 2011 and am currently down 112 pounds. I was so excited to go to a family reunion because I felt so much better and was able to move so much better. I became extremely discouraged when I saw the family pictures taken at the reunion and realized I was still morbidly obese. It has completely undermined my self confidence and I am having a very difficult time getting back in the groove of exercising every day. I was grateful to see your exercise video. Thank you so much for your example!

  • cheryl Palen

    just walk around the track about 30 times to start…this can come much later…

  • Patchouliskunk

    I had tears in my eyes because I have been there, and I can tell you part of it is, yes, because you were sitting, and also, strange as this sounds, slouching- it looks like. Trying to be posture aware is really hard, some sometimes harder when we have a bit extra (to love, to LOVE.) I loved watching this video because at 1:56 there were woman (whom I am trying to refrain from calling them skinny bitches, isn’t that mean, but it’s a terrible habit!) pushing that bar thing, and I am sad for a moment, and then you do it too and I am like, HA HA HA, awesome.

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