Gym-timidation

July 1, 2012

There have been stories in the news the past couple weeks about gyms who are restricting membership to overweight people, with the main argument being that it will make the gym a less intimidating place than when it is full of a bunch of thin people. I’m generalizing it, so if you want to go read more, here’s one of the articles about the topic.

This is a topic I wrote about on the ENELL blog this week where I gave tips on how to overcome “gym-timidation”, however I wanted to say more about it after seeing this video from the Bex from BexLife.com this morning asking for feedback on the subject. Bex is a fitness and yoga instructor who is wildly popular on YouTube and has a body that most of us would envy. She works hard for it, and I admire her a lot:

Here are my thoughts:

At the beginning of my journey, I was “super morbidly obese,” 455 pounds, and could barely walk, let alone find activewear to fit me. The thought of entering a gym at that size and fitness level was near panic-attack-inducing. I judged myself so harshly that I automatically assumed everyone in a gym would do the same. The thought of people seeing me try to work out was nearly unbearable.

I lost 55 pounds with diet changes only, then literally used this blog to say “hello world, will anybody — somebody, help me figure out what to do from here?” (Seriously, I still have the video and I can’t believe at that point I had the balls to do it.) I wanted someone, or multiple people, to hold my hand and say “you’re welcome here. You’re okay. We’ll do this together.” I told friends about it, and was so fortunate to have a local gym and a personal trainer sign on for the challenge. I literally met with the gym management and told them what I was looking for, and they believed in me. From then on, walking into the gym meant I had employees who said “hello” to me when I walked in. In working with my trainer, I had him guiding me through the intimidating process of learning how I needed to adapt things for my size. I met some of his other clients, and regularly interacted with other trainers and other gym-goers. As soon as faces became familiar, I learned to lift my head up from staring at my feet to smile at those offering a “good morning.” They saw how hard I was working, and I started to believe that I belonged there. This led to the 5K’s and half-marathon. With each step, I was able to tune out the voices in my head that had convinced me earlier that everyone was staring at me and judging me.

This is one of my first videos in the gym. I tried to film some workouts so people would see that it’s possible to break through barriers when you feel like everything is against you.

 Me in June 2010

Here’s the thing: I know I was lucky to find the gym that was supportive and a trainer that worked with me without reservation. I had someone to hold my hand, and that made the apprehension ease enough to get into a regular workout routine. Even after losing 113 pounds, I’m still super morbidly obese. I still outweigh people at the gym by at least 50 pounds. I’ve gained enough self-confidence though that it doesn’t stop me anymore. There are times though, like with a recent BarreAmped class I went to, where I am still intimidated by places and people outside of my comfort zone. To get over that though, I went with a friend. (One of my 4 tips in my blog post here to overcome these hurdles.)

My thoughts on these “plus-size” gyms? If it will get more people to exercise, I’m all for it. More than that, however, I want more gyms and fitness professionals to work hard on creating an inviting, inclusive atmosphere for people of all ages, sizes, and activity levels.

Some random ideas:

  • Diversify who appears in your advertising
  • Offer classes and activities that include both thorough descriptions as well as fitness level definitions (beginner, intermediate, advanced) and encourage anyone with questions or special needs to come to class early to discuss one-on-one with the instructor
  • Encourage staff members to say hello and offer a smile to all members upon check-in, while cleaning equipment, etc.
  • Have someone on staff at all times who is available to give individual member orientations on equipment, and promote that there is always someone to help if needed
  • If you want to make certain populations feel more comfortable, create separate areas for them to use. For example, many gyms now have “women’s fitness areas” with weights so they aren’t intimidated by the boys in the “normal” weight room. This doesn’t mean that women can’t  use the other part, it just means that there seemed to be enough of a need to eliminate the perceived intimidation.
  • Introduce an optional “gym buddy” program where you can pair members up with others who want to opt-into the service to have an accountability partner or to say hello to every once in a while. Or, create new-member mixers or other events to get people introduced to one another.
  • Recognize members milestones: self-reported in a “brag box” members can use, or automated such as “5 days in a row” acknowledged upon check-in.
  • Create events that encourage new things. Think: “Zumba for Men” or “Weights for Women” or “Salsa for Seniors.” Open them up to the public if desired.

Think about the popularity of Richard Simmons workout tapes in years past, and even in his classes now (which seriously, you should watch the videos on YouTube – I REALLY want to go). They were (and are) popular because of the environment that he created: one with people of all sizes and all ages, where you didn’t have to dance really well or do super fancy moves to complete. You moved, you sweated, you had fun. This is just one example of how you can include people to break down barriers – not exclude them. And hey, Richard Simmons isn’t everyone’s cup of tea – this is why it’s so wonderful to have choices!

My advice to anyone: Push yourself to get into new environments to try them out. Give those you think are “meatheads” a chance. Ask questions. If you don’t feel comfortable, try someplace else. In the end, you have to feel like you’re in the proper environment to thrive.

What do you think about this? Do you want to work out with other people your size (large or small) exclusively, or do you mind heading into a gym where it’s mostly thin people? Where do you thrive? I would love to hear your comments below.

  • Lis

    I ike your suggestions for promoting inclusivity at gyms.

    Also, I note that the site you linked at Enell–the “overweight folks only” bootcamp– has its site design with text so small that I, an over-40 with typical over-40 eyes (but younger than the trainer, I’d guess), can’t read it as designed. I realize that fat-only workouts are not intended to be broadly inclusive, but still: Unless you want only young fat people, make the me’s of the world feel welcome too.

  • http://twitter.com/castingon castingon

    The first gym that I belonged to was a woman’s only gym. For me it was a great experience because I felt less intimidated with learning to use the weight machines. I think if I had to compare the woman’s only gym to an all gender gym, ultimately I felt more comfortable. But since they catered to a specific population, I did outgrow that gym and ended up switching to an all gender gym. My feeling is you need to do what works for you. If an overweight only gym will help you get though their door 3+ times a week than so be it. If it motivates you to see different types of people workout, then that’s fine too.

  • http://profiles.google.com/msgracechang Grace Chang

    I don’t know how I feel about this type of gym. I do admit one of the reasons I never stepped for in a gym for years unless a friend went with me was because I felt intimidated by all the really healthy people around me.

    I like your list of things gyms could do to be more positive and encouraging!

  • Tammy

    I’m lucky that my workplace has a fitness center, but I have to say that it is where I’ve felt most intimidated. i think it’s because of it’s small size, everyone can see everyone else. If I’m going to lift my little weights there, I do it when there aren’t any guys around. When we belonged to the Y, I rarely did anything there other than aerobics classes, and they were mostly women. Same with the Zumba class i went to the other night. I feel awkward because I don’t know the steps, but more comfortable with just women.

  • Tracy Rank

    I like the thought/option of a plus sized gym – when I first started working out, I was really intimidated, and the trainers didn’t really know how to adapt exercises to help me – this was at a large chain based gym. I did leave there – and continued on my journey alone – until I joined a local YMCA – which in my area was far more welcoming – and wanted me to succeed!!! I go and work out focused on what I want to do, not thinking about what people are thinking/looking at – cuz hell if they are there they are focused on themselves too. I think it would be wise to have a “newby” area – for anyone looking to get into exercise to have a safe place to get comfortable with equipment…

    Thanks for that link to Richard Simmons!! Made my day!!!

  • Deanna

    I’m very excited that this debate is occurring, not to be exclusive to any particular group, but to raise awareness as to how intimidating gyms and regular fitness classes can be to someone who is just getting started in fitness. I agree that the marketing is often targeted to those who are in triathalon training, or looking to lose those pesky last 10 pounds. To address my own intimidation of joining regular fitness classes at my gym, and purchasing packages to boot camps where I would drive there and go home without getting out of the car once I saw the participants, I used meetup.com to assemble a group of women in Chicago who are just getting started in fitness and want to work out together surrounded by women like themselves.

    It’s called Chicago Curvy Girls DIY Fitness Club, but we see women of all sizes, ages and capabilities – just a set of women who want a safe, friendly place to start exercising. We go everywhere and try most everything – and because we are together – that intimidation goes away, and the next thing you know, we’re doing strength training, and yoga and zumba all over town. We have had success locating a number of places in Chicago who do offer services to the “super beginner” – it just takes some looking around, and demand aggregation for the gyms to take notice.

    Anyone in Chicago is welcome to join us…it’s free to join through meetup.com some events cost money but there are many free events as well – walks, bike rides and hikes!
    https://www.facebook.com/ChicagoCurvyGirls

  • Mindy

    I have to admit I suffer from gymtimidation. I am 37, 5’7, and 295 pounds. I am morbidly obese. My body is weak, but my mind is strong. I have always wanted to try yoga and Pilates, but I am afraid my size will be a hindrance. I recently discovered how much I actually enjoy swimming. I hadn’t been in a pool in years due to my fear of judgement in my swimsuit. I finally got the courage to strip my towel and dive in. Mind you, it was an hour or so before my local Y closed, so the pool wasn’t filled with a bunch of kids and other people. I still felt like all eyes were watching me, judging me when I had to stop for breath after a few lengths of the pool. After ten minutes or so, I didn’t care. With my goggles on and my head in the water, I couldn’t hear or see others’ sneers if they were even making them. I know much of my fear is self inflicted. The only way to overcome it, is to DO something about it. Maybe I’ll try Zumba next. I’ll have to get over my fear of jiggling and looking stupid, as I have no “groove” whatsoever!

  • Emily Smith

    Em,
    First off, awesome post! The aspect of being discriminating to different sized people NEVER occured to me (and I’m even overweight) and I’m glad you blogged about the topic! The fitness gym I go to is a WONDERFUL place because of all of the suggestions you mentioned- a supportive community (and accountability buddies), a spiritual aspect to workouts (whether it’s namaste after yoga or zumba instructors saying “thank god each day you wake up because some people didn’t make it today” during a cool down), health & wellness programs that are FREE to teach you about exercise, nutrition, and healthy living, amongst so many other things. The community of people who attend the group fitness classes are of all sizes and ages and are incredibly positive, supportive, FUN, and motivating (they’ll text me/call me if I don’t show up to class!). This is all because of the owner who runs the gym (it’s a small business, unlike a big 24 hour fitness or lifetime gym) and so she’s created a culture of acceptance and positivity because we are all on one journey to better mind & bodies. This alone has created an aspect of my lifestyle that will never be taken away again: caring abou what I put into my mouth and how I train my body so that I can live a long, healthy, and happy life! Something that ALL individuals deserve- regardless if they are 100 lbs or 500 lbs.!!!
    *Comes off soapbox**…
    I want to work out with people who are motivated, driven, who hold me accountable, are fun, have a good energy, and are on the journey to a better life- – I do NOT care about size or experience (whether they’re lifelong exercise junkies or just took their first class). I thrive in environments that are welcoming and make me feel comfortable, regardless of my experience level. My current gym in Dallas does that- – so comfortable I have even taken a burlesque class (chair dancing) and pole dancing class- – and did not feel uncomfortable!!!! When it comes down to it, I want to work out with people who like I said are on a similar mission to be/get healthy and that’s my only requirement!
    And props off to you Em for having the courage to step out of your comfort zone and try new things, like getting a trainer! You’ve come so far and I know because of your drive and commitment to living healthy will accomplish whatever you set your mind out to!

  • Cassie

    I love this post!! I, too, am sometimes overwhelmed when I walk in the gym and see all these skinny, fit people working out around me. I will go out of my way to find a corner to do free weights, etc. so I won’t be seen. However, anytime I’m upstairs on the walking track I push myself harder if there are fit people around me, specifically men. I will say I’ve had a good experience at the gym as far as classes go–I took a high intensity class once and was by far the largest girl in there, but everyone was so encouraging. They cheered and never made me feel like I didn’t belong.

  • vjtibbs

    I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch all of Bex’s video, but I think she brings up an interesting set of questions–which is more important and impactful: am I more likely to keep going if I’m around people that look more like me, or am I more motivated being around people that are more fit than I am? Maybe it changes day to day?

    I go to a “meathead” gym–lots of weights, cardio machines, open space for ~miles~ of walking lunges, but no classes or amenities. There are quite a few people there that are in some sort of body competition training, and a large group of “heavy lifters” there all the time. I’ll be honest, it’s the most supportive place I’ve ever gone. I’m just guessing, but all of those super-fit understand the value of the effort that goes into any fitness endeavor. So the fact that I continue to make that consistent effort has in some way made me part of their “tribe.” I’ve had trainers that are just kickin’ in between clients work me through different machines, and get me to try things I hadn’t tried before. I keep thinking of the blog post you linked to a couple of weeks ago “Hey, fat girl”. That’s the experience I’ve had at the gym. Sure, there maybe those Judgy McJudgersons that are thinking discursive thoughts about me, but frankly, that’s their karma their messing up, not mine. Being in the gym, moving my body, doing things I’ve grown to love and trying things I’ve never tried is EXACTLY where I should be–not home sitting around. So I’m going to keep going, loving it most days, proud of myself when I go on days I’m not loving it, and ppppffffffffttttt on anyone that isn’t cool with that!

  • Layna

    I have to second what you’ve written here. If a special gym gets more people to workout, great. We already see this with women only gym, so I guess why not plus size only gyms? But, again like you wrote, it would be better if gyms could just create an atmosphere that makes everyone comfortable working out in the same space. There is so much that people new to exercise can learn from gym “veterans” and that women (or men) can learn from men (or women). Why are we trying to segregate people rather than fixing the problems that make segregation necessary?

    I guess I’m lucky too, because I have never felt too intimidated to go to the gym, or felt like I needed someone to go with me so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. Also, all the gyms that I have used have had friendly staff and friendly members that would always greet me and make me feel welcome. That being said, I have noticed a difference between fancy gyms and cheapy gyms. The clientele at the fancy gyms tend, IMO, to be a little more judgmental (but less about your body and more about not wearing fancy gyms clothes), whereas the people at the cheapy gyms are there to workout and could care less about smoothies and, I don’t know, pulsating shower heads in the locker room. So, if you are concerned about being judged at the gym, look for a bare-bones facility that caters to the people who just want to workout.

  • Kelly

    I think it is up to the individual and where he/she feels most comfortable. I have actually heard people at the gym make comments about others (overweight or not). Unfortunately, there will always be those who are negative and sometimes downright mean.

    Emmie~ I just came across your blog today and I applaud you and your weight loss journey. It is a true inspiration.

  • LHA

    Another interesting topic! I am extremely gym-timidated and have been most of my life. The memories of being the slowest, most awkward, least athletic kid in gym class have made me feel horrible about exercising in front of others. I do love to swim, and years ago got over the body image problem of being seen in a bathing suit. However, I have had some very aggressive swimmers (men!) actually get in my lane when I was already swimming there and kick me in the face as they swam by me at my local Y. In fact this happened several times until I gave up swimming there. I have had people literally tapping their foot and looking at their watch in an annoyed way (men again, sorry to be sexist) if I took too long on a machine in the gym, as though they were entitled to use it and I wasn’t.

    That said, there is no reason why I should allow myself to be intimidated by these rude people. I do owe it to myself to work out as often as possible and stand up for my rights at the gym. I do have a much better place to exercise and swim now, so that helps. Many of your suggestions for improving the atmosphere at gyms to make everyone feel welcome are excellent. I can see both pros and cons to having a plus size only gym and I might be tempted to use one to at least give it a try.

    Thanks for another great post, and to all the commenters for their information and ideas.

  • Greg Kuhn

    Hey Emmie, I love the blog (new reader). Personally, I love seeing people of all shapes work out with me: if someone is in great shape I think “Thank you for motivating and encouraging me to keep at it” and if someone is in less-than-stellar shape I think, “Way to go! Thank you for starting this journey and reminding me that there’s room for everyone on it!” I also have a weight loss blog, although I write from a science perspective. If you’re so inclined, I’d love it if you checked it out. Either way, thank you for your posts!

  • Laurie

    Although I am rarely pleased with my body somehow I have never been intimidated at the gym. I just kind of do my own things and am in my own little zone for the most part. When I do pay attention to those around me (I rarely interact with anyone) I think how nice it is to be around people who are also interested in being active and getting healthy! For a while I went to a small women only gym but I didn’t like it. I actually felt more intimidated there because it was so small and it seemed like everyone was checking each other out. In the big gym I feel like it’s easy to get lost in the crowd and no one really pays attention to anyone else!

  • lotusbubble

    I actually think this is totally fine, because the general goal is just to help people go work out. I work out at a university gym, so I have the fun prospect of working out with a bunch of teenagers and 20 somethings when I go there everyday, and most of them look fantastic. I on the other hand stress ate my way to needing to lose tons of weight, so this ends up being depressing. At the very least, it is definitely intimidating, and honestly, there are days when I end up choosing to swim instead of running almost entirely because it means I can jump in the pool, and nobody will see my flobbly body if I just sort of sprint there from the locker room in a towel, instead of having to run slowly next to some really fit chick who seems to enjoy energetically smiling while running at twice my pace.

    Actually, due to the way our gym is set up, people walking down the hall can see into the gym, and occasionally its made me wish that I could work out at a women’s gym, or at least a gym that didn’t have the treadmills facing a busy hallway, since occasionally people will simply stop and stare at you, as you exercise, and it makes me, personally, feel super uncomfortable when anyone, but particularly men, do this. I think that since to my knowledge, the vast majority of gyms are still accessible to everyone, having gyms that cater to making people feel welcome is fantastic. I think that when people try to say that things like fat shaming or gender discrimination don’t exist, they are deluding themselves. They’re real, and if someone wants a safe haven in which to go be healthy and not feel self conscious, and having that motivates them to exercise, thats great!

    On the other hand, I do see the point people have where it might make them feel excluded…at one point, I remember feeling really bad because I accompanied a friend to a Lane Bryant store, and while I was waiting for her to try some clothes on, I had started browsing the clothing. A sales lady there actually tried to kick me out of the store! I mostly remember being bummed that I couldn’t find pants there in my size, but I think that its about the attitude overall – the lady I encountered wasn’t about acceptance, but I think that if these gyms are about acceptance, and are welcoming of the occasional guest, and don’t chuck members out if they stop being plus sized (that is my main question – what if someone uses the gym, loses a ton of weight, and at some point stops being plus sized (not that this always happens, but for me for example, it would)? Do they have to leave?) I think that the spirit of acceptance and encouragement is preserved, and that’s whats important. – Pia

  • Rebekah Borucki

    Thank you so much for including me in this post. I’m totally honored and value your opinion more than you know. I’m a huge cheerleader for community, tolerance, diversity and acceptance of ourselves and each other. Your advice to fitness professionals and facilities is so RIGHT ON. You’re awesome!!

  • Steph

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while – I live in Lexington too! I recently joined the Fitness 19 by my house and found all of the equipment WAAAY overwhelming and at 243 pounds, I did NOT feel comfortable asking the 22 year old hottie guy working the counter. My solution – I’m a teacher so I emailed the PE teacher at my school, got him a guest pass to the gym and he walked me through everything. Tomorrow when I go into the gym, I can hold my head up and do all of the things I’ve wanted to do but was afraid to ask.

  • Roshani Adhikary

    I’ve just found your blog from Bex Life’s FB Fanpage and omg, HIGH FIVE!!!!! You are a rockstar for doing all this amazing work :) Wow. i can’t express to you how inspired you’ve made me feel this morning… even as a “skinny” girl there are loads of goals/aspirations I have that sometimes I put off for reasons like fear of failure, laziness, whatever, but seeing your progress pics, watching your video and reading your story, holyyyy crap, man. I’m so impressed by your dedication!!!!!!! Simply amazing.

  • Diane Lopez

    Too bad for that gym who intimidates people. Nice post. :)

  • Kristen Young

    I love this post. One reason that I didn’t want to go to the gym on campus of the university that I attend was that it was full of really fit people. I NEVER saw anyone there like me (overweight). I decided to spring for an actual gym membership and I feel so much better now that there are people in similar situations like trying to lose weight.
    Just discovered your blog, btw. I love it!

  • Deanna @ cakeshakemix.com

    I just recently joined a gym, and even though I’m not considered overweight, I still feel out of place at the gym because you can see so many that have been going for a while and are in shape and can do the eliptical for 30 minutes. I’m fairly thin, but I’m not in shape. I can barely do the eliptical for 5-6 minutes. That’s it! I’m exhausted after that. It’s one of my goals is to build up my time on that thing…LOL! I also belong to a very large gym, and with the amount of people that go there, I see right away that there is no way that the gym employees can address everyone that comes and goes. My gym has personal trainers, but not all of us have the money to have a personal trainer…they are very expensive, and most are not employees of the gym. I know because I went to a complimentary training session when I joined, and I couldn’t believe how expensive it was! I’m kind of doing my own thing, but something is better than nothing, in my eyes. I applaud everyone who walks in the gym to work out…overweight or not…because even if they’re not overweight, they may be out of shape…like me.

  • Ronnie

    Hello Emmie! Its intimidating going to the gym when you know you are really not in shape. Thank you for those tips. Right now I am just using Roca Labs to help me control my food intake and it really cuts it in half like you went through gastric bypass. But I would like to be more active.

  • http://www.facebook.com/julia.howland.1 Julia Howland

    I’m so intimidated by the male weight lifters in the weight room at the gym at school. I make myself look ridiculous, prowling around the edges of the weight room, wondering whether or not I should just go for it. Whenever I do I invariably stop and run away scared! Instead of the weight room, I’ve been doing no-gym strength training routines on the floor at home…but I feel pretty foolish for not being able to just get in there and do it.

  • Cece

    For me, it isn’t that I am intimidated anymore by the fit people or the machines. It is the vocal jerks who insist on making rude comments. Like the two guys who moo’d at me at the pool on Sunday. I wasn’t bothering them; didn’t make eyes at them, (didn’t even have my glasses on!) but they felt the need to do that when I was walking past them.

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