The Hubs

May 10, 2011

I’ve had people before and even earlier today ask about my hubs’ role in my weight loss. He’s a complete rock and is so steady for me, which I guess is why I never really talk about him much in terms of my weight loss here!

me and hubs on our cruise last year

Hubs and I have been together for 10 years now, married for 3.5. He’s a murse (male nurse) and is the most patient and kind person ever. Since we’ve been together, the lowest weight I think I’ve been is 275, and the highest was my tipping point at 455. He has loved me unconditionally and at any weight. He’s 6’5 and I’ve seen him from 330 to his current 275 (I believe).

We’ve been together so long that we have a routine down. We both work a lot and he works every other weekend, so we don’t have too many meals together. He usually eats at the hospital (he works double shifts a lot- 7am-10pm) and when he is home, eats really easy things like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or spaghetti. We don’t meal plan together since we’re not usually eating the same things. We each buy our own food at the grocery and prepare it ourselves. Of course if we’re home at the same time we’ll dine together, but 99% of the time we’re eating different food. I love that he is self-sufficient and that I don’t need to plan for preparing his meals, or worry about him preparing mine in a way that I can healthily eat.

As far as his weight loss, he has always been active. He works on his feet all day and usually takes pup for a 2 mile walk or cycles at least 10 miles on his recumbent bike every day. He’s not actively watching the scale to lose weight, although he does weigh every day (he has mild OCD), and does want to lose some more weight. He lost weight by just cutting back on sodas and snack foods, and eliminating any fast food runs during or after work.

Because of our often-opposite work schedules, it’s hard to get hubs to make it to any races or something I’m doing. He was working during my first 5K and also during the half marathon. I don’t mind it though – if it were a big enough deal and I gave him enough notice, he would take off. He hears about my training all the time, so when it comes down to a race, he’s already done enough cheering for me. He was off work during the Southern Lights Stroll 5K last Thanksgiving and he and pup completed it also, despite it being freezing and raining! He always calls to see how I did, and is never shy about saying how proud he is of me.

There was a time when we were together for about 2 years that I really started packing on the weight. This was a time of getting carry-out from restaurants, eating 5000 calories in 1 sitting, eating fast food in my car, etc. In hindsight, he may have contributed because no matter what I ask of him, he does selflessly. I would have him bring a pizza on the way to my apartment, or to pick up my favorite cheese fries with extra ranch and a fried chicken salad with hot bacon dressing. He knew my favorite meals without me telling him. He knew to check the carry-out bag for extra spicy ranch dressing and to ask for utensils so I didn’t even have to get up to grab a fork. Does that mean he was an enabler? Perhaps, but he was just obeying my demands, LOL. On the other hand, he also let me drag him to a weight loss surgery session because I didn’t want to go by myself. He’s a people pleaser (happy wife, happy life, right?!). Thankfully, I’ve stopped asking him to help me destroy myself.

All in all, I couldn’t ask for a better partner. He lets me be my feisty, independent self, and go about my crazy antics without a word. He’s very shy, I’m not (usually). I’m on the computer all.the.time, and he can barely type on a keyboard. If I ask him to do something off the wall (like jet skiing on our cruise), he asks “are you going to blog about that?” and we both laugh, because the answer is always YES. When I tell him I’m doing a half-marathon, he doesn’t even question it.

I know I’m extremely fortunate to have a partner that supports me how I need to be supported and who accepts me at any size. Not all partners are as accommodating with you making changes in your lifestyle. Have you encountered resistance from a partner? How have you overcome it? Hit us up in the comments!

 

  • http://musingsofmaia.blogspot.com Maia

    I’m so happy that you were able to find such an amazing supportive partner in life! He doesn’t have any relatives in the NYC area, does he? ;)

    • http://skinnyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

      Haha, girl if he did I would hook you up in a heartbeat!

  • lori

    I have to admit, I wish I had what you had. I’m always the friend. :) At 44, kind of feel that’s my purpose in life…to be the friend. Thanks for the inspiration on weight loss! It helps keep me going! You rock Emmie!

    • http://skinnyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

      Never underestimate the power of amazing friends! (but I totally know what you’re saying).
      Thanks for the kind words!

  • chris

    Hi :) I found your blog a few months ago through another blog I follow. I’ve never commented before, but thought I would give it a try. :) Let me start by saying I was always the friend too…..until I met my husband 12 years ago. We have been together 12 years, and married 9 years. I have been heavy my entire life and he loves me and supports me in whatever I do. He met me heavy and fell in love with me for me. It took a long time for me to accept that. I had such a hard time believing anyone would actually love me at my size. At my heaviest I weighed 287 (after baby #3) and currently I weigh 230. My husband and kids are very supportive of my weight loss. I am very blessed!! And to those who are still single, good men DO EXIST, I promise. You just have to keep looking and dont settle for anything less. You deserve someone who will love you and support you whatever your weight might be. :)

  • http://www.areyouwilling.net Katie Warren

    He sounds EXACTLY like my husband!!! I know how blessed you are because I know how blessed I AM!!! Kudos to use for snagging a couple of good ones =)

  • Nicole

    I have a wonderful and supportive husband to be. He constantly tells me he loves me no matter what I look like. And since I have started my weight loss journey, he has stood by me. Of course he doesn’t help when he eats his snacks at night when we are watching a movie lol. I am like a Gremlin. You can’t feed me after 7pm or I multiply!
    But he is wonderful and I love him with all my heart. He always sings me the song by Bruno Mars, Just The Way You Are. He is a gift and without him I don’t think I could do this on my own.
    So hold you man close to your heart!!! He sounds just as amazing!!! Congrats!

  • http://www.FitandFreeEmily.com Emily

    Having a supportive partner has made an enormous difference in my journey as well! My fiance and I hardly see each other either – so I know how that goes. I think once we got to that “comfortable” part of our relationship I started packing on the pounds.

    I think part of it is that I always thought I would have to be skinny to be in love. Once I found out that wasn’t true, I got a little TOO okay with it. (Enter in the eating loads of fast foods and scarfing entire pizzas before he got home) The “he’ll love me no matter what” is such an amazing thing to have, but can also be a trigger for me. I tell him he needs to kick my butt a bit more often ;)

    Great post, Emmie – I’m so glad you shared this piece of your life with us! He sounds like an amazing man.

  • http://www.discoveringmyinnerprincess.blogspot.com Princess J

    Thanks for taking my request. My Prince Charming is a great guy. We have a very good relationship, and like you, we both work a lot, and he works at a hospital opposite shifts of me too.

    We have tried many times to lose weight together–because our health is at risk. Typically one “falls of the wagon” and the 2nd one is not far behind, and we are back to eating out too much, making bad choices and being too sedentary.

    This time though, I am committed. At 95 lbs down, I am not looking back. Charming was with me…for a few months. And now he is back to poor choices.

    The problem is there is a gap starting for form in the relationship. I am becoming more active, wanting to do things in life I couldn’t before–making plans for the future like half marathons, travel, etc that I may not have done before because I couldn’t. And while he is supportive and proud of me–I am worried and concerned about the future. But I CAN NOT STOP to make him feel better or so we are on the same lifestyle page. I have encouraged, begged, even gotten angry about his refusal to put in the effort to make the changes. But he won’t do it–and I KNOW how hard it is–I am living it every day, so I can empathize!

    I feel like crying–so I am going to submit now! I would blog about this myself, but he and his family reads it and I don’t want to be hurtful–hence the emotional vomit in your comments. Sorry!

    If any of your readers have advice, I would appreciate it!

  • http://www.110pounds.com Lisa

    I’m glad your husband is so positive and supportive! Thanks for sharing your story. :) I always wonder when the significant others aren’t mentioned much on blogs, it’s nice to see a photo too!

    I’ve had a few unsupportive partners over the years and they are no longer my partners. :)

  • http://Hotmail Amy

    Hi to all th followers of the Skinny Emmie site it must be so nice to find a man to love you for you. I am like some of you always the great friend the one that I find a great guy start to get to know him and the next thing I get is oh I meet this women and we are dating isn’t this great. My last one he supports me in everything I do he is always there for me and so on but we went through a couple of months of hard times and he told me that he only could be friends with me at this time maybe down the road something could happen but just friends. Within a month or two I get a text that he found someone. Yes him and I never dated dated but at the sametime I thought he wanted the samething as me. The thing that really hurts is he still tells me how sexy and beautiful I am and smart all the stuff a boyfriend would tell his girlfriend that is what kills me. I keep going up and down with my weight it seems I just can’t get a hold of it maybe it is this thing with the guy don’t know.

  • http://www.luxechandelier.com steph anne

    Haha, great post Skinny Emmie! I can definitely relate to this a lot because my husband is the same way. I’ve told him he needs to stop being my enabler and he’s aware of that but can’t help it that he wants to do everything I ask him to do. It’s my weakest thing because I know he won’t say no so I ask him. I need to stop doing that, haha. I’ve told him he needs to start practicing saying No but obviously that doesn’t work.

    Does your husband read your blog?

    • http://skinnyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

      Yes, he does read my blog, but seeing as he’s not so great at technology, you won’t ever see him comment on it! I asked if he wanted to comment on this post, and he was like “nah.” He’s super shy!

  • http://defluffing.blogspot.com Melinda

    My husband would like to be supportive. However, sometimes he just doesn’t know how. I recognize two reasons for this: One, he just doesn’t know the facts about nutrition and weight loss. Two, he also grew up with a diet-addicted mother and is suffering from that as well. I think, at times, my weight loss journey brings up things with him that are hard for him to handle. He’s not obese, but he is overweight. I know that he would like to lose the excess weight but I think that he’s battling with his own obstacles right now.

  • http://healthyxdreaming.blogspot.com/ Grace @ Healthy Dreaming

    Thank you for sharing your story about your life with your husband! You guys sound like such an amazing couple!

    My boyfriend has also been very loving and supportive to me no matter what size I was. I met him at 150-170 (not sure) and I ballooned up to 210+ but he stayed with me even though I was so filled with self-hatred that I made his life miserable. We are now both eating healthier, exercising together and losing weight together. I’m very fortunate that he loves my cooking and eats everything I cook :) I’m not a bad cook though so I guess that helps.

  • http://gooddaytodiet.com teresa

    You are fantastic!! I’m so glad I found your blog. (through Finding the Thin Within)
    My husband is like yours in terms of support. It’s confusing to me sometimes. I’ve prepared myself for criticism, and unconditional support threw me for a loop!
    I’m so glad you and your hubs have each other.
    I can’t wait to read more here.
    I love your logo girl, so cute.

  • Heather

    Your husband is so sweet! I love that you can be together yet be so independent. My hubby tries to help me, but he “helps” in the wrong ways. He thinks he’s helping by making my food, but he makes it unhealthy, and gets mad when I ask him not to make my food… Odd. Anyway, congrats on the success you’ve had so far and will continue to have.

  • http://adayinmynyc.com Patty

    You guys are so cute! You are both so lucky to have each other :)

  • http://my100poundmeltdown.com/ Melissa Cohoe

    I am lucky to have my husband as my BIGGEST supporter, my partner and workout buddy. He is my BEST friend and without him I don’t know where I would be in my weight loss journey!

  • Tiffani

    Hi Emmie! I’m new to your site and reading through recent posts, and I came across this one. Your blog is amazing – humorous and inspirational! I will definitely be reading faithfully from now on!

    I am also on a long weight loss journey, currently a few pounds down from my heaviest of 275. I spent most of my life in the 180-200 range, but ballooned up after being put on thyroid suppressants. I met my husband while I was around 180lbs, and have been with him for four years (married for a year in September!) He’s always been very supportive and encouraging through all my weight loss fits and starts.

    Physically, we’re complete opposites: I’m 5’2 and 263lbs – he’s 5’10 and about 150lbs of muscle. He’s a former Marine (Natl. Guard now,) runs four miles every morning, does the Army PT test every few months and passes with off-the-charts scores, at 36 years old. His physical fitness is inspiring, but sometimes it also really sucks to watch! He’s always been very fit, and sometimes I feel like he can’t possibly understand what it feels like to be a big person, let alone a big girl. He encourages me to do things like Zumba, Yoga Booty Ballet, and other dance-type routines, as well as yoga, and offers to do them with me. I HATE doing any of that in front of him, though. It’s embarrassing. He insists it’s embarrassing for him as well, but even if he can’t dance, at least he doesn’t have jiggly arms, thighs, and belly!

    It’s a real back-and-forth between encouraging and disheartening, but he’s always been there for me and I’m lucky to have his help and support.

  • Tammy B

    Emmie that is awesome :) My husband loved me at my biggest as well and I’ve lost 105 lbs. His comment got me losing weight actually. He asked me to be healthy to be around for him and the children. Who can ignore such love? He never was overweight and works out 3 days a week, but has lost 15 lbs over time with me. We always bounce off ideas of each other what can help me. Love is grand!

  • Unchienne

    I actually had a fiancé Break our engagement because of my weight gain. When we dated, I was around a size 10 or 12. As soon as I hit 16, he broke it off. In retrospect, I can honestly say that I’m grateful as he was a very selfish and belittling person. Now I’m a size 22/24 and losing weight (25lbs so far) for health reasons and not to satisfy anyone else’s expectations except my own. You are both lucky to have each other. I hope one day to find someone as accepting and supportive.

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