The Problem with Pride

February 22, 2011

Continuing on my little introspective route of writing this week, I began wondering: what is wrong with being proud?

via ozgurmulazimoglu on Flickr

Is it wrong to be proud? Because that’s the way I act. I try to shrink any accomplishments and recognition. If I read kudos here or on Twitter, I smile and genuinely mean it when I say “thank you.” Something about being detached from the complimenter means that I have the time to take it, digest it, appreciate it, and feel good.

In person though?  I turn into a sea of “thank you… but’s” For example:

Nice Person: Congratulations on your weight loss, I love your blog!

Me: Uh, thanks. But it’s nothing really.

Nice Person: Yes, it’s awesome. I read it all the time and can relate to everything you say.

Me: Yeah, but it’s just me talking about myself. There’s nothing different about me than anyone else.

Seriously, even just typing it out makes me want to slap myself. I SHOULD do the following during these situations:

Listen

Digest

Appreciate

Thank

Be proud

But I don’t want to be seen as boastful. There is a line where pride crosses a threshold into ass-holery. I don’t want to go there.

So I shrink and diminish my own accomplishments and don’t savor the joy they should bring me. I know that I must change this in order to fully appreciate the path that life is taking me on. I just need to figure out how to master “pride.” I’ve noticed that since I hit 100 pounds lost, I am starting to be able to open up a little more with my pride, but I have to make a very conscious effort at doing so. It’s not that I am not proud of myself, I am. But

Many of you said you identify with denial. Do you identify with this fear of pride? How do you learn to accept and be proud? How does one stop diminishing accomplishments?

Totally unrelated note. I write about these issues because I know I’m not the only one who has them. It’s not just a weight struggle, but an everyone struggle. Women’s Health Magazine is accepting nominations for a BLOGS WE LOVE feature. If you can identify with my weight loss struggle or just like reading, I would greatly appreciate a nomination here. Wouldn’t it be hilarious to see a 350 pound blogger as a favorite blog in the weight loss category? Ok, in all seriousness and in relation to this post, I am SINCERELY thankful to you for reading.

Tagged as: acceptance, emotions, self esteem

  • http://onprogram.blogspot.com Tanya

    I can totally relate!! All too often we downplay it when others recognize our accomplishments. We should be proud of how far we’ve come, but for some reason we don’t like to acknowledge it. I know your blog inspires me each and every day. I nominated you for the Blog Award you mentioned and in my nomination I said that the think I love the most about reading your blog is that you so often touch on topics that I’ve been thinking about…and thinking I was the only one who felt that way! Keep up the amazing work Emmie :-)

    PS – hoping to join you in the 100lb club on Saturday…only 1.4lbs to go :-)

    • http://skinnyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

      Thank you Tanya- I’m so glad there are others know what I’m talking about. And I will be first with the confetti and kazoos when you hit 100!!!

  • http://www.r3tta.com Retta

    I’m right there with you on the pride stuff. I have never been good at accepting praise or tooting my own horn, even when I have every right to. I nominated you too!

  • http://www.skinny-ways.com Josie @ The Skinny Way Of Life

    I’m with you Emmie, I grew up being the fat girl and always used my weight as the joke and would be the funny friend. After losing weight I became MORE self coscience and to this day have a hard time excepting ANY compliment. I get compliments about being a good role model for my kids and turning my life around so young and for some reason it’s very difficult to hear, i almost have a hard time looking that person in the eye. As odd as it sounds I had more confidence when I was overweight. you’re accomlishing so much! embrace it NOW because if you don’t, when you hit your goal weight you’ll open a door of insecurities. You’re doing the right thing, Listen.Digest.Appreciate.Thank.Be Proud!!!

  • Allison

    Nominated!!!

  • http://weightlossandportioncontrol.blogspot.com/ Heather

    Great post. I am learning to appreciate where I’ve come from and how I’ve changed. I do a lot of down playing and I need to stop that. My goals are to find a balance. With food…life….everything.

  • http://abetterlesserme.blogspot.com/ D…

    I used to be terrible with this, I could never feel proud of any accomplishment, any praise and in the back of my mind I was busy telling myself yeah but look how big you are so don’t get cocky, you’re still a useless waste of space! I couldn’t take a compliment from a man without this awkward little shuffle of negative words! I’m better at this now but like you it’s a conscious thing, I have to remind myself that it’s ok to be pleased with myself even if they are small achievements, yes I still have so much weight to lose BUT not snacking all evening for 3 days is a row is a big deal for me and damn straight I should be proud.
    You’re a powerhouse, you’re doing so brilliantly, be proud and pleased with yourself, you have every right!

  • Katie

    I really struggle with accepting compliments like this, but I thought I’d share with you my technique – it certainly isn’t perfect but, for example, if someone complimented me on my weight loss I might say something like “Thank you, it has been a lot of hard work” – not doing myself down, but something to fill the space after thank you when I would normally insert a “but”. Just a thought! K x

  • http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com jayme@losinghalfmyweight

    I totally hear ya. Ass-holery (i love that) is not what I want to be about, and so unless someone directly asks me about it, I don’t really talk about it with anyone in real life. I think there’s something in it about not wanting to be proud of something that, at the root of it, we were ashamed of. For me, to really take compliments on board and be proud, I have to get to a place of acceptance and non-judgment about where I was when I started. Instead, when someone says, “Wow! You’ve lost 40 lbs! The girl on the WW commercial only lost 30!”, inside I hear myself say, “And I let myself get to a point where I’ve got another 120 to lose and she didn’t” which takes away all the pleasure of the compliment.

    It’s totally screwed-up. So I’m trying to think of ways I can quell it. So far, I’m kinda at a loss.

  • http://www.katdoesdiets.com Kerri O

    I absolutely identify. It has taken me a long time to learn to just say thank you to a compliment.

  • http://fallingoutofplace.blogspot.com Susan

    I think we all tend to do the Thank you … but.. response whenever we’re not fully comfortable still with our accomplishment. I find my coworkers doing it all the time for things that are no where NEAR being too boastful or anything near that line.

    Example:

    Me: I love your outfit today
    Coworker: Thanks – i hoped I’d look human, I found the clothes, was running late, etc etc etc….

    I think people have a hard time in general just accepting a compliment, regardless of what it was for. I’m totally included in that category, I feel like I need to say thank you and move the topic on to the next asap.

    Maybe a good goal for all of us who struggle with it would be to dish out genuine compliments often, and then as they come back around – force ourselves to just appreciate, say Thank you and let it be. Resist the urge to add the ‘but’ in there. *shrug* I’m sure it’s easier said than done, but I think i might give it a whirl this week while it’s fresh on my mind :)

  • http://kclanderson.com/before-and-after KCLAnderson (Karen)

    Oh my goodness YES! I remember a long while ago someone telling me that when I don’t accept a compliment with a simple “thank you” (meaning that I say “thank you, but…”, or try and downplay it), then I am calling that person’s integrity and opinion into question…I am saying that I don’t value it.

    It’s still hard though. I am much better at accepting compliments on my weight loss now, but when it comes to another dream (publishing my book and becoming a speaker) there’s a VOICE that says, “Who do you think you are, you show off! You must work harder and suffer in order to be valuable! You are selfish if you think that just being you is worth anything.”

    Thus, my mantra: “that which comes easily to me is valuable to others.”

    And thus, despite THE VOICE, I am following my dream, even though THE VOICE sometimes drowns out all rational thought and evidence to the contrary. In my case, THE VOICE actually belongs to someone in my life, so I’ve had to be very careful. It’s been a long time coming, and I have to remind myself at every turn that I am doing the right thing because my bodymindspirit tells me so!

    Also? I like to use the word selfness, versus selfish or selfless. To me, selfness incorporates both and isn’t an “either/or” scenario :-)

    Here are a couple of quotes I’ve come across recently that speak to me on this subject:

    “The next time someone does something for you that is generous and kind, take the time not only to deeply appreciate the person and the experience, but to appreciate yourself as worthy of that level of generosity. See their act as a reflection of your own generous and loving nature.” ~ Suzanne Eder

    “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”. ~ Dr. Howard Thurman

  • http://testingtruechange.com David

    Totally understand what you are talking about here. There is always a line between being confident and cocky. For me as long as I take compliments in stride and don’t let it get to my head then I see it as being alright. What you’ve done and lost so far is incredible and you deserve to be complimented for what you’ve done. Be confident in who you are now and where you are going :)

  • http://LiveStartled.com LiveStartled

    MY PRIVELEGE to vote for you on Women’s Health. I just did. Do you have a friend to do some butt kicking when you avoid righteous pride in your accomplishments? Sounds like you need one. I have friends who operate in that way. It helps!

  • http://takinglessspace.blogspot.com/ LyndawithaY

    I blogged about this topic the other day in my post on “day of compliments.” It’s hard to just say “thank you,” without making a silly joke or downgrading your accomplishment. I’m training myself to just say those 2 words.

  • http://www.anna-walker.blogspot.com Anna Walker

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being proud of yourself, especially if it’s taken a very long time and a lot of hard work and discipline to do it! As long as people aren’t jerks about it, they should be proud of who they are and what they accomplish.

  • http://www.bellainlapbandland.com Bella

    Being proud of yourself is so important! I credit my parents and their praise of my accomplishments with giving me the ability to gracefully accept compliments and positive comments. It has helped me become a very confident person. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of ourselves.

    I just voted for you, so I hope you get it! I really do love reading your blog, and I’ve been so inspired by you. I love that you keep at it, stay positive, and try everything.
    (Now you say, “thank you.” No “yes, but…” just thank you. Because you deserve it).

  • http://www.110pounds.com Lisa

    It was really weird for me to suddenly get attention after I lost a lot of weight. I had coworkers and acquaintances tell me pretty often how great I look, what a great job I was doing, etc and I always felt uncomfortable. Sometimes coworkers I’d never talk to would come up to me with a nice thing to say. I felt awkward and uncomfortable and I’d dismiss the amazing thing I did. Then I started to realize that it was OKAY to say thank you and really appreciate the compliments. They kept me going! The more positive feedback I got, the more dedicated I was to losing 100 pounds!

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