Confidence

January 12, 2011

I had my review at work today, and my boss mentioned that I am really doing a great job, but need to have more confidence. He was right on, and I hate admitting it. I love my job and the work that I do, but something holds me back from expressing things or being as upfront as I’d like to be. All the ideas are spinning in my mind a million miles an hour, but something inside me freezes and I hold it all in. I am empowered to say things (everything else in the review went well). It wouldn’t be out of place for me to throw out more ideas or offer opinions. Yet I still am held back by something.

This goes beyond work, and has been a recurring theme that I’ve been trying to figure out, especially as the weight comes down.  I haven’t always had this issue, and it doesn’t happen in all situations. I’ve talked before about how many times I think my mind holds me back, but I can’t figure out why. I once thought that when the weight came down, my confidence would instantly go up, however I haven’t found this to be the case. Maybe as I lose more it will start to come. Or maybe it has more to do with than my weight – fear of rejection, being an outcast, etc. In any case, I’m going to try to work on my confidence to help propel me forward.

One seemingly silly thing to do is to continue dressing well. My outfit today made me feel more confident:

Dress and belt from Lane Bryant, cardigan and leggings from Old Navy, boots from Zappos, watch a Christmas gift

Have you ever had issues with confidence, either at work our outside of work? Any advice on how to build confidence up?

  • http://curiousspark.blogspot.com/ Curiousbelle

    YES! I had this issue a lot.

    The biggest advice I have is just to do it. I’m sorry, that sounds kind stupid, but it’s true.

    Imagine a typical scenario ahead of time, and what your dream response would be. Rehearse that response.

    When a scenario comes up, forcibly remind yourself that that this is something you’ve prepared for. That you do good work and your words are valuable.

    Then take the plunge.

    I actually wrote a whole blogpost about this, if you’re interested:

    http://curiousspark.blogspot.com/2010/10/workin-it-out-confidence-on-job.html

    Love!

  • http://musingsofmaia.blogspot.com Maia

    I think making yourself aware of the problem will probably help! They always say its the first step…

    And as always, that outfit is kickin’!

  • http://crankypants-crankypants.blogspot.com/ Gryph

    That dress is rockin, and you look super cute!

  • http://alithinks.com Alison

    Perhaps as you age, you will have more confidence as well. I know I do.

    And you look great. I love the outfit!

  • http://www.nanfit.com Nanette

    Emmie, you are doing awesome! I really enjoy your posts. I’ll tell you though, since I’ve lost nearly 180 lbs, I find I am actually more quiet, introspective, and less likely to throw my opinions on there as I did when I was 350 lbs. I don’t know why, you’d think I’d understand it pretty well having a Master’s Degree in Counselor Education, but alas, I don’t have any explanation for it other than I find listening and watching people a lot more interesting because I don’t think they are staring at me because I’m overweight anymore. Best of luck to you, and keep up the good work!

  • http://www.anna-walker.blogspot.com Anna Walker

    That outfit really is awesome.

    I’m a naturally incredibly shy person. I’m very content to sit alone in a corner and read (or knit). I’ve learned that at work, among other places, I HAVE to fake it so people don’t think I’m a unabomber freak. So I just pretend it’s like acting…which it totally is. It’s hard sometimes but it gets easier.

  • http://www.rebornwebsets.com Natalie

    I agree with Alison, I think it comes with age as well…I was and still slightly the same as you – find that the confidence issue comes up at all reviews but as I am aging it is not as prominent a show in the reviews and I have even had a couple where my confidence issues have not even been mentioned. Also, maybe with job confidence comes inner confidence?

  • http://abetterlesserme.blogspot.com/ D…

    Firstly I have to say you are looking fantastic, I love that outfit! You should be so pleased with yourself!
    Secondly I could have written the exact same post, the only issue that came up in my appraisal was my confidence, (it was like an echo of school reports) I don’t know how to combat it, I too thought it would increase as I lost weight but it hasn’t. A friend who lost 30kgs told me as she progressed she started to feign confidence in work situations and gradually it stuck with her without having to try in other areas of her life… As to why, I guess we all have our own reasons why we lack in confidence and where and when this seed of self-doubt was planted, it’s just a case of working it out, that’s the tricky part!

  • http://www.journeytoblissville.com Tex In The City

    Girl, I love, love, LOVE the outfit and am embarrassed to admit that I will be rushing to Lane Bryant to get that dress.

    On the confidence, I have the same issue but I have started asserting myself in situations that don’t really matter and slowly working my way up to those that do. So I started with, “No, I don’t want the table by the bathroom.” And have worked my way up to, “I charge X amount for my services and will not work for a penny less.”

    Did I mention that you are ROCKIN that dress? LOVE IT!

  • http://rosieisaloser.blogspot.com Rosie’s Weight Loss Blog

    That outfit is insanely cute. I know just what you mean by the way. My confidence hasn’t automatically gone up from losing weight, but I’m working on it!

  • http://bit.ly/gz56Lm Miz

    you look GREAT and, in a sense, thats my only tip.
    fake it till I make it…my confidence motto :)
    and most times I dont even realize Im no longer faking it until way way after.

  • http://kclanderson.com/before-and-after KCLAnderson (Karen)

    Confidence, like a lot of other things, isn’t an either/or thing. It’s a continuum. And it takes practice and cultivation in order to grow it. So try it on. And realize that when you don’t feel confident, it will come back. And yeah, it does get better with age :-)

  • http://www.watchsarahshrink.com Sarah

    I think we all struggle with confidence in different areas of our life, but for some of us it kinda creeps into everything. I know that I tend to focus on negative comments or outcomes instead of really focusing on the positive side of things.

    I experienced a major technological setback at work on a project that left the perception of that initiative very negative. My boss is the one who snapped me out of this freak out state of mind I was in (gonna lose my job…everyone thinks it’s my fault…no one will trust me going forward). He pointed out how successful the project has been otherwise and also reminded me that outsiders don’t see me as the weak link — it was beyond our control – technology not working is not my fault. It was really great for him to point these things out to me, and it got me thinking about how I need to do more work to find the positive side of things. I’ve tried to do that recently, and it has helped my confidence.

    So that would be my advice, instead of focusing on the parts of you that you are less sure of, hone in on the things you know for sure are rockin (maybe your innovative ideas, money-saving suggestions, fashion sense, organizational skills, writing ability, etc). As you get practice there, it gets easier to do it everywhere.

    Love the dress, by the way! Too cute! Know that the style confidence you have inspires me to try some new things. I’ve often overlooked things that I thought were really cute on the rack because I didn’t think they would work for my body or would be too much at my current weight- I realized recently that I can pull them off. It had more to do with feeling like I didn’t deserve to be cute. Sad, but true.

  • LHA

    I think it is wonderful that you post pictures of your outfits on your blog and let people know where to get them! It is hard to find attractive clothing in larger sizes. Also, I think it inspires those who are trying to lose weight to dress nicely and feel good about themselves. To me, that is an important part of the weight loss journey. So often, we are weighed down by depression and hopelessness and it shows plainly in the care we take about our personal appearance. You look terrific!

    On confidence, I find the previous comments interesting. Confidence might increase with age, but I have not found that to be so. I am an extreme extrovert, but do find that my confidence wanes when I feel bad about my weight and appearance. I often feel that others are looking down on me or silently criticizing me when I feel particularly bad about the way I look. Unfortunately, sometimes this is probably true, as in general there is a stigma against overweight people in our society. Often overweight people are considered as “second class citizens” and we have to fight that sterotype. I think taking a deep breath and reminding yourself of what an awesome person you are and all you have accomplished when you feel your confidence waning could be a good start.

    You are doing a wonderful job in turning your life around and have been an inspiration to many others. Let your confidence grow in that knowledge!

  • http://stylishheart.blogspot.com Abb

    First of all, LOVE the outfit! Tres chic.

    Second, I was just listening to a podcast by “Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone” (love them, it’s run by Shauna at dietgirl.org & Mizfit) about Self-Love, and how it’s a muscle that must be exercised. It may feel weird/rusty/out of practice to keep being confident in your life, but know that a bunch of people have confidence in you right at this very moment, even if you don’t have confidence in yourself right at this very moment :o ) You rock!

  • http://justabitwicked.com Jodi

    I have the confidence and speaking up issue too. I had hoped that losing weight would take care of the issue, but I just don’t know! When I was a skinny girl, I had comments from teachers in my report card like “talks too much and disrupts others from finishing work”. When I gained, it moved to “needs to participate more in class”. It just is really hard to speak up when I know I might hurt someone’s feelings or get them mad.

    And may I say, your outfit is AWESOME! You have such style and inspire me to get out of my jeans and sweater routine at work.

  • Miranda

    Hi Emmie,

    I came upon your sit when I was looking for reviews on the BodyMedia device. I just ordered mine and I appreciated you review.

    I just wanted to say that you are looking amazing! And I am so inspired by your honesty and your weight journey. It is definitely giving me the nudge I need to get back on track with my own weight.

    Thanks!
    Miranda

  • http://iamgoingdown.wordpress.com Veronica

    I think most people struggle with this, especially if they’ve ever been overweight or teased. I’ve found that the biggest confidence builder for me is to vocally admit something positive about myself. I always knew I had pretty good baking skills but it wasn’t until I started saying it out loud to people, like “girl, I can make a goooood white cake,” that I started to actually feel confident in my ability. It didn’t matter how many compliments I got, it’s when I started complimenting myself that something changed inside me. I don’t mean I’m obnoxious about it, I don’t go around saying “I’m the best baker in this room,” or “my apple pie could beat your apple pie’s butt!” but I do honestly admit to being good at what I do. And I think that’s important, as long as we make sure we’re not doing it to boast. So like if you had an idea, you could say “I have an idea that really excites me,” even if it scares you to admit that. People will probably be more receptive to an idea too if you have vocal confidence in it!

  • http://debbidoesdieting.blogspot.com/ Debbi Does Dinner Healthy

    I know what you mean about the confidence. I was convinced as I lost weight that I would be more confident and bold but I’m not finding that true. Maybe the weight was an excuse all along? Not sure.

    Great outfit! Isn’t it nice to have a waist? (that wasn’t meant to be mean, I just went so many years without on and finally enjoyed HAVING one!) :-)

  • http://tomatoesinlove.wordpress.com/ Lisa

    I can understand the confidence issue – I have the same feelings! I think practice is what helps me get more confident. If I avoid situations that make me feel shy, then I never get over being shy. Just thinking “What’s the worst that could happen if I say this?” has helped me in some situations to prioritize and realize that sharing my thoughts and opinions will almost always HELP, not hurt, the way I feel about myself.

    And dressing well is not silly (super-cute outfit). I know that if I put the time into putting together a nice outfit and doing my hair I feel way better about myself! Dressing nicely is about showing ourselves respect and love and feeling confident in our unique sense of style!

  • http://www.fatshionchic.com jessica kane

    you. are. amazing.
    1. that outfit was perfection on you!!!
    2. yes! I have, that’s why i blogged about it as my ny resolution!! “the confidence resolution” lol….read at my blog!!!

    xoxo
    jessica of http://www.fatshionchic.com

  • http://sizingdowndiva.com Sizingdowndiva

    Emmie-

    A boss once told me to ‘fake it till you make it!’ Not that you shouldn’t be yourself, but if there is something in you that you want to be, then be it until you and it are one and the same! And, no matter what anyone says, you are fabulous!

    Love the outfit :)

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  • http://www.bellainlapbandland.com Bella

    I hope you do gain some confidence at work, because you seem like such an amazing person who has a lot to be confident about.

    (My problem has never been confidence, which is lucky, I guess).

    I wanted to thank you for posting your outfits of the day, like the one in this blog, because you inspired me to buy this dress from Lane Bryant: http://www.lanebryant.com/ponte-knit-cowl-neck-dress/p65494/index.pro
    I think it will be great this winter with tights and a sweater and into spring with flats and a shrug. Thanks!

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