Watch me move

June 26, 2010

I went to the gym this morning for my 4th session with Trainer Rob. We took a few videos, and they inspired a little rant on a familiar topic- body image and weight perception. Check out my 1st video where I rant, and then the 2nd video where I exercise. Gratzi!

  • http://www.biggirlbombshell.com Big Girl Bombshell

    WOW Emmie. I have to tell you, I watched the gym video FIRST then listened to your rant. I never once thought any of the thoughts you think people think. I thought HMMM….Can I do that? I also thought there is NO WAY she weighs what you says she ways….She is not that much bigger than me…and look at how much she can do in the gym….
    I found for me in this journey, I had to take a seriously hard look at how I view people's body sizes and jump to a conclusion.

  • http://fuckyoucookie.com/ Chris Pugh

    So I watched the exercise video first… and as a fat person who feels just like you so I watched the people walking around in the background to see if they were watching you or giving you funny looks and I didn't notice anyone making faces at you. I honestly think that these thoughts mainly exist in our heads and that the majority of people we encounter don't really care of have the time to think badly of us. Don't get my wrong, this is something that I struggle with every time I'm at the gym.

    I fully understand your frustration about not being able to do the things you want to do. It really sucks and I guess I would suggest that you use it as a motivator to get under the 350lbs. I really want to get under the 300lbs mark but I have a long way to go and I've just made up my mind to do whatever I need to do to make it happen. You can do it, I have faith.

  • http://diaryofcurvyjones.com CurvyJones

    Speed and Power, lol. I think no matter how big any of us is, if we have a weight problem we always think other people look at us with disdain and disgust. I ALWAYS think people are looking at me and thinking about how grossly fat I am.. and when you know people that are kind of catty and have heard them talking about other people when you're around, you know people like this exist in the world.

    That said, there's no better place for a fat person than the gym and if people have issues seeing you there, then I wonder what the hell they're doing at the gym. For sure, you're doing a helluva lot more work than some of them will!

    I watched the workout video and felt your frustration with the one where you stand on one foot and and pull the weight… I have the hardest time doing that. My legs and knees are just not strong enough to hold me and I buckle after about 20 seconds. I hate anything on one foot, but getting better.

    You're a true inspiration. You just keep working and blogging and having your moments. If you get emo, blog it out. We're here to listen, not judge. It's YOUR blog to chronicle YOUR journey so if you have to keep talking out your body issues, you've got all the space in the world to do it.

  • http://www.heartfitlexington.com Trainer Rob

    Fellow gym goers, concentrate on your own workouts. Anybody that cares what you are doing is at the gym for the wrong reasons and we don't care about them! Emily is an inspiration and doing so well. We will be kicking some major butt soon and her heart rate is already enabling her to do things she couldn't do 4 weeks ago. Folks, please please eat a little something before you workout! No dairy though as that will usually make you sick on high intensity days. If you eat fruit, I find a little apple or some berries to be a good source prior to workouts. Stay healthy!

  • Adele

    Don't have much to say besides 1) You seem like you have good support from your trainer – the fact that's he's being encouraging on your blog is pretty amazing! and 2) you're so brave for posting a video that you said made you “cringe.” It's pointless for us to tell you that you are NOT “cringe-worthy” because you have to believe it yourself, but know that no decent person looking at you would think any bad thoughts whatsoever. (And if they are do, f*ck em.)

  • http://www.mayorofthebux.com Danielle

    Seriously you're amazing and brave and I totally relate to how you feel about perception. you don't look any different than any other person getting a good workout in. how cool is that one? I started going to my 24 hr gym at 4 in the morning b/c then no one would see me. now I'm going back b/c the time works best and I follow through with it, but thats the only reason. I just want to worry about me and my journey not others. a nice freeing place to be. Also, how much does trainer Rob rock? If I were up there, I would totally use him.

  • Calebs Aunt

    You go girl!!!! You are doing an amazing job… keep it up!!! You are an inspiration to me!!

  • anonymousfatgirl

    I just wanted to tell you that you are doing FANTASTIC and I love your videos. I know it is hard to watch yourself work out in the videos (been there) but it will be so worth it for many factors. (1) You will have something from which to base your successes on when you compare videos. My God, I cannot tell you when I watch my videos from the beginning the progress I have seen in myself! (2) You are inspiring lots and lots of people – at the gym (yes even the thinner people) and online. From your video I can tell that you are killing the workouts and putting in a lot of effort. WTG!!!

  • Noel Depp

    Don't worry about what others think. I used to be that way when running and what I found was more people that I didn't know were proud of me for getting out there and getting healthy.

  • Heather

    I'm really enjoying your blog! I relate to that mental soundtrack of self-doubt and self-criticism at the gym. But when you imagined people thinking “What is SHE doing at the gym???” — well, there is only one answer that makes sense, “She is working out – just like the rest of us!”

    I went out on my bike this morning and had a similar feeling, that other people on bikes might be thinking “What's she doing out here with us cyclists?” And then I realized, I WAS one of the cyclists. There we all were, in our helmets, in our different gears and at our different speeds… riding bikes.

    I have always felt like a literal misfit in sport- and fitness-oriented environments. It's a real mental challenge.

    One of my favorite bloggers 'TheRotund.com,” put it really well — “Fat is not a barrier to exercise. The social institution of fat hatred is.” http://www.therotund.com/?p=207

  • PhatMom

    Emmie, I cried watching your video. NOT because I pity you, but because you are so brave and inspiring. You have courage and guts and superpowers! I just had a really horrible moment today. My doctor told me that people with fibromyalgia can benefit from pilates. So I got a video and tried it today. Let's just say even beginning pilates is NOT for overweight people. I couldn't do half of those contortions and now I have a neck cramp. I broke down on my bedroom floor, convinced once again that I will be 270 lbs forever.

    I searched the internet for “overweight exercise” and many other combinations and all the hits were selling something or they were for people who are *gasp* 180 lbs or something. Nothing actually useful. I did find the Shapely Girls videos, which I'm looking forward to. And then from their site to Fat Girls' Guide to Life, then I found you! And I've decided that if you can do this, I can too! I can't get to the gym because I have kids, but I can walk every day. That is my new commitment. I will also keep watching you because you are an inspiration! Sorry to talk your ear off. This is a big moment for me.
    Hugs,
    PhatMom

    PS I also can't believe how big I am when I see pictures. I think that can be good–it means we think thin!

  • http://www.phatgirlinalittlecoat.blogspot.com Sarahbeara

    I dislike pina coladas because of the exact same reasons you don't like them! Girl you are doing great and I am super proud of you and your gym workouts!

  • Nowheregirl

    I totally understand how you felt in your rant video… I want to tell people the same way you do. I am not lazy, damn it! Then again, when I'm brutally honest with myself, I think I move less than my peers that are thin. So, there is at least a “little bit” of truth to the fact that I do less. My point really is that I try hard to do the amount that I do… It is hard to motivate yourself to go to the gym when you know you don't “fit in” there. However, you know if you keep going then one day you WILL! Which is totall cool when you think about it. Lastly, totally get where you are coming from being freaked about how you look in your workout videos. However, you are doing it. Really doing it. In a few months you will be able to compare these videos to you in much smaller videos… You will have built more muscle, you will be more toned, and you will be amazed at what your body is doing in recognition of your efforts. So, don't let today get you down – you'll be so glad you took this video when you obtain your goals.

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