A Big Decision

June 4, 2010

It’s been a week since I’ve had my gym membership. I’ve gone 4 times: Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Call it endorphins or whatever, but something about this weight loss journey has got my head in a place of clarity (or insanity).

I’ve almost posted this a couple of times now, but keep deleting the post for fear I would change my mind. When you post something online, there are no takebacks! But, I’m confident in my decision.

I’m giving up my Biggest Loser dream.

From http://www.musicphilosophy.co.uk. I don't remember where I saw this site- maybe another blogger? If it was you, let me know and I'll give you credit!

Ever since seeing Shay on The Biggest Loser season 8, I wanted to be on the show. I thought that it was my chance to be on TV, have people see my struggle and identify with me, and I’d finally be skinny. I poured so much energy and creativity into my season 10 audition tape. I paused my weight loss because I didn’t want to be a different weight than what I put on my application or on my video. I didn’t gain and I didn’t lose. I became completely obsessed, checking my casting director’s Facebook fan page, the Biggest Loser Casting Twitter account, former Biggest Loser blogs. It was consuming. Once I got some positive feedback from casting about my video, the intensity escalated. I just KNEW I was going to get picked.

As we all know, I didn’t get picked. I would never lose weight again. I wouldn’t be a reality TV star. I would continue to live my life over 400 pounds and that was it. I ate a lot right after getting the “not this time” email. I was told to apply for next season (which will start casting early July). I emailed my friends 2 weeks ago and asked them what ideas they had that could top my last video. The insanity was going to start again.

After Zumba last Saturday, I felt calm (and sore). As I checked the new Biggest Loser applications to see if it had changed in the past 3 months, I thought “why the hell does it matter?” Really now. I can do this. I have the blog. I have friends (in real life and virtual friends). I have a great job. I have sponsors that want to help me. I have motivation.

This is BIG for me peeps, BIG. It means I’m giving in: I can do this weight loss and fitness journey. I have support and I have all the tools I need to make myself a success. Why rely on a television show to kick my ass and “make” me lose weight? For the confetti at the end? For the money? For fame? Talk about LAME.

So, I’m pushing on with my weight loss journey without auditioning for The Biggest Loser again. When I’m finished, I’ll expect all of you to come to my house to throw confetti on me as I stand on a livestock scale to get my final weight. M’kay? :)

Tagged as: biggest loser, biggest loser auditions, weight loss

  • http://lessofmimi.wordpress.com Melissa Fritcher

    Girl, I will be there! This IS huge, and I KNOW you can do it, and anything I can do to help cheer you on, I'm there, too!! WTG on this momentous decision. HUGS!!!

  • http://bedeliciouslyhealthy.blogspot.com Brittany

    I'll totally be there to throw confetti on you! You can do this!

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  • http://www.eatwellathome.blogspot.com Jennifer

    What you are doing here is far more interesting than any “reality” show. For starters, it's actually *real*! Keep up the wonderful and inspiring work!

  • Traci

    When you do your final weigh in you wont need the livestock scale!

  • http://amerrylife.com Mary (A Merry Life)

    Good for you. It's unrealistic to think the biggest loser is going to solve your problems. You can do it yourself. Good luck.

  • Beth

    Best of luck to you! I'm sure lots of people will be there to throw confetti on you as you reach the end of your journey.

  • http://diaryofcurvyjones.com CurvyJones

    The best part is that you won't have to share the glory with anyone else… it'll just be YOU. This will be fantastic!

  • http://twitter.com/CathyCox2010 Cathy Cox

    OMG, this is beautiful. You CAN do this, I'm smiling ear to ear and so proud of you, I don't even know you! :) SkinnyEmmie pushes on!

  • http://mayorofthebux.com Danielle

    You're close enough I will throw the confetti now for you making this decision. I auditioned last time, a lot of people don't know that, but I did. And as I stood in that line and looked around I finally “got it” that this wasn't for me now. That I was doing “this weight loss thing” on my own with this wonderful community of bloggers and twitterers. And we are gonna get there, not in 4 months but for life and that's even better.

  • http://www.thejagepage.blogspot.com Janis

    You'll get to your goal… and you'll do it in a MUCH healthier way! I'm proud of you.

  • http://www.jessicaisgettingfit.com/ Jess @ Jessica is Getting Fit

    I was on twitter and my blog with the Music Philosophy – you might have seen it from me? I love that site though!

    Congrats on making a decision to fight for your goals – that's SO awesome! :)

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  • Bea

    Congrats on choosing to do it for YOU, for your health and your happiness. The contestants must feel terrible once the show is over, the sense of deflation and ‘is this it?’ and the INSANE way in which they are encouraged to loose weight just isnt really maintainable unless you are an athlete. The sense of pressure to keep the weight off, and the way in which any upwards blip on the scale is at risk of punishment must make for pretty nutty individuals when its all done, and im pretty sure they must regain quite a bit of weight afterwards. You dont need any reward other than how amazing you will (and must already!?) feel, how your body rewards with a longer, happier, more fulfilled life. I lost a large amount of weight and have never looked back, simply because my life improved so much during this time, this is a far bigger reward than winning (or in most cases not winning) an unhealthy game show. I have just come across your blog and am really enjoying reading your progress. You must be very proud :)

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  • http://gtffo.blogspot.com/ Jenny

    Good for you for letting the insanity go and just focus on the real thing – losing the weight. For good.

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