I know I’ve been writing a little more introspectively lately. Stories definitely not as funny as some Fat Camp Follies, but I really think that they’re important.
I’m not in some weird “dark and moody” place right now, just kind of blah. Could be weather- this endless cold and snow is really wearing on my energy. (Aw hell, talk about an #earworm. The rest of the night I’ll have Milli Vanilli in my head “Blame it on the rain, yeah…yeah…”)
Anyway. I wrote this post over the weekend. Not many comments on it. Maybe it was a snoozefest, who knows. But the strangest thing happened. I got a Facebook message shortly after posting the link to the blog, from someone I haven’t seen or talked to in a few years. I asked her permission to post this before just throwing it out there (I know I’m an oversharer, but I do have some courtesy!)
It is interesting that you write about the people who have all this drive and success. I always found you to be one of those people to look for inspiration. You were always so dedicated, and put so much time into everything you did. You never gave up. At the time we were working together you were on the Atkins diet and I was amazed at how strict you were despite all of the junk food people brought into the office and how much weight you had lost. I was also amazed at how well you handled the situation with your mom and how strong you were despite how hard it must have been. Not to mention you were already a manager in your early 20s, and now have a masters. And you always had a smile through all of this. I have continued to see great accomplishments on Facebook from time to time. If it is this “genetic thing – this Superman-like drive” that you mention, then you are one of those people who have been blessed with the gene. You may not be an Olympic gold medalist, but you definitely have a gold medal in life.
Gah. She made me cry.
So, I thought about it some more, and replied. Wanted to share that as well to hopefully explain myself a little better.
Thanks for sharing those really kind words, I really appreciate it.
I think everything is a matter of perspective. It’s much easier to be critical of yourself when you’re not being objective. In the grand scheme of things, I know I’ve accomplished a lot. But as long as there is this weight struggle it’s like I can’t really “accept” any of these accomplishments- there’s this big thing weighing over my head. I had lost 150 pounds, then when my mom died, gained it back, and have just lost 60 of it again, but still- it’s a daily struggle.
When it comes down to it, I am extremely fortunate. My parents were supportive, I was able to get a good education, good jobs, go back for more education, great husband, beautiful home, cute dog, whatever.
So why does it seem like until I really lose the weight, I can’t “claim” these things? Until I battle this fat monster, I can’t really say I’m a success? Could it be that until I conquer this one thing, all of my other accomplishments can’t be held in correct perspective?
Just pontificating. On with your day 
