I had an interesting predicament last week.
I was given the great opportunity to attend Social Fresh Nashville, a great social media conference. Seeing as social media marketing is both a professional and personal hobby for me, I was really looking forward to it. Mixing and mingling with others who shared the same interests? Awesome!
Or not.
Don’t get me wrong, the conference was fantastic! It was my own personal struggles faced during it that left me frustrated at myself. While there, I found myself faced with an interesting paradox. One that actually happens a lot with me. It’s a true struggle and I feel like separate aspects of my personality are fighting with each other.
I’ve always been a classic overachiever when it comes to education and my professional life. If you called me a geek or a work-a-holic I would relish in the fact that you perceive me that way. I like to be noticed for my marketing skills and how much I try to keep on top of trends. I’ll admit that I’m a geek, and am pretty proud of it.
So meeting up with social media marketers at a great conference should have really made me excited. Instead, the other part of me reared it’s ugly (and fat) head. I don’t fit. I don’t fit the typical go-getter blogger, marketer, president of my MBA class mold. Physically I’m slow (I walk slow) and tall (5’10) and very large. Instead of going up and striking a conversation with people as my thinner self would love to do, I found myself sitting against the wall in the conference sessions, not asking questions, not trying to network and connect with these people that my geek side really wanted to meet.
On one hand, I want to meet, connect, listen to stories, and be heard. On the other, I’m cringing in my seat, scared I’m standing out too much, spilling over the seat, wondering why no one is sitting next to me (and secretly thanking them for not). My normally happy self is transformed into one who scowls, trying to make people stay away. But inside, Skinny Emmie really wants to interact!
Does anyone else ever run into this problem? I know the solution is to just “be confident and be yourself” but that is probably like telling me to put a party hat on a roadrunner- it ain’t happening… not until I’m Skinny Emmie.
ETA: Found this picture on Twitter via @paulaberg who was speaking on a panel. Blech.
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You and I have talked about social anxiety before. I've got it up the ying yang. At least you went to Social Fresh. I just did what I do with all conferences I'd like to go to. I ignored it and came up with a bunch of reasons I couldn't go.
One thing I'm finding that helps me a lot is an anecdote about a public speaker whose name I cannot recall. Someone asked him if he was always super-confident. He said he was extremely nervous when he started out and confessed that the feeling never went away. But he started interpreting it differently. He decided that nervous energy and confident energy were the same things viewed differently. So now he reads those feelings as him feeling energized and excited to get on stage.
I would argue that everyone who goes to big events like that are experiencing strong emotional responses to being around so many people. They're just all dealing with it differently. Trying to “be confident” is sort of a trap. Just view what you're feeling as fuel.
As far as standing out, go ahead. Whatever the reason people notice you while you're networking at those events, the impression you'll leave them with is one of a consummate marketing professional they would be smart to pay attention to and keep track of.
You are doing it right, Emily. You have the knowledge, skills and networking savvy … and you make good choices. You attended the conference and have now encouraged others, through this post, who needed to read about your feelings, thoughts and impressions.
I tend to shy away from social media networking events because of my age. There's always some excuse, right?
I love your blog.
Found your site while randomly browsing through Nashvegas Twitter posts… great stuff! Just wanted to share that you are definitely not the only one trying to blend in while wanting to stand out… and not doing a really good job of either!
Showing up is at least half the battle though, and though I've never been to a single conference here (yet), I'm sure there was at least some great info to be had.
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